"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return."

- Christian, Moulin Rouge

I'm feeling rather philosophical now after having a talk with someone whom I just can't help but worry about day and night. Hey, if I don't worry about her, who will?

That person's been through a messy breakup and it hurt her emotionally; I would know. The pain comes from having your feelings ripped out by its roots from your heart, and you just want to cry and weep and sob all day if you could. She says she doesn't want to feel pain any longer, she doesn't want to feel anymore.

My dear, my own breakup had taught me a lot of things, one of which is accepting that pain is part and parcel of love, and of Life itself. Building up walls around your heart so that you don't feel is...like not living at all. I've learnt to take pain which I experience into some sort of a lesson, kinda like the whole "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" thing. Pain hurts so dreadfully, it's just damn awful, and it's not like I welcome it; I hate it but if it comes, it comes. Not feeling, even if it's pain, is such a terribly sad thing to me. I don't want to not experience what life has to offer, even the hurtful ones.

And then you said you don't believe in love, or specifically, romantic love. I do have my skeptics sometimes, doubting such a concept. But ultimately, I do believe in (Romantic) Love. Though my lack of self-esteem has made me develop this notion of thinking that Romantic Love will always evade me, I still believe it exists, and not just in shoujo manga fiction either. Call it naivete or wishful thinking, I believe that it is possible for two people to fall truly in love and be mindful of the other's feelings and stay together. God wouldn't make humans with feelings if such a wondrous thing doesn't exist. (Atheists, you may ignore this. LOL.)

"The course of true love never did run smooth." Oh Shakespeare, you couldn't be more right. When you go through bumps and sadness in your relationships, the overcoming and endurance of such things just make it so much more rewarding and meaningful.

Acts of intimacy are sacred symbols done physically out of romantic love between a couple. To have it done not out of love or even when not feeling anything just demeans such a beautifully sacred act; acts such as from the most innocent like holding hands to what goes on behind closed doors. When you do such things out of lust or wanting some form of release or even out of no feelings whatsoever, it's just... demeaning yourself, and those who love you platonically. Even when you're not hurting yourself or the other party engaging in such an act, you're just shredding the fibre of morality embedded in you. And well, you hurt the people who do care for you and your wellbeing. (well, they WOULD be hurt if they knew.) You may be reckless but I know there's some sense of morality and sensibility in you. You're now blessed with an appealing and aesthetically-pleasing attractivenss; don't demean it or abuse it by losing your morals.

I can't enforce my beliefs and ideals onto you, nor can I possibly change your actions, but I hope... this will impact you in some way. Because all and all, I care about you, and I've taken it upon myself to be your moral compass. Sometimes I feel so helpless, like I've lost you somewhere, and I can't seem to find you. I'm not angry at you, just disappointed. Disappointment itself is a form of pain, but it's something I don't regret feeling because it's a pain that shows you're worth something to me.

"A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl."

- Stephan Hoeller

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My sister taught me something today, something I agree with wholeheartedly. From now on, I'll call girls who are attractive/good-looking/physically pleasing to the eye as "pretty". "Beautiful" is only reserved for girls who have reached a high level of self-acutalization, kindness, thoughtfulness, optimism, morality and compassion. Which is why among the four of us, I'd have to say that Hazel is the most Beautiful of us all. Shang may say that I'm the kindest among us, but I disagree; Haze is the kinder one, her innocence contributes to it too. There is nothing wrong with innocence; it should be valued, actually.

I hope one day I can be as Beautiful as Haze.

Haz, you're pretty, and I know one day you can be and will be Beautiful too.

♥ 9:45 pm