Haz is "through with guys", and I'm tempted to follow her footsteps as well. Hell, I should just go skirt-chasing, right?

.....Okay, wait. I'm talking nonsense. Ignore that.

I'm just so glad I'm off to Pre U Seminar @ NUS next week. It's a delightful start to the June hols BREAK, a month I've been waiting for ever since I started schooling in JC. And right now, I need a break more than ever. Today was horrible; utterly, completely, totally, devastatingly horrible, I tell you. I FUCKING SCREWED UP MY GP PAPER 1 BLOCK TEST.

I don't curse much (and if I do, it's with censorship) in my blog and if you see me do, it means I am that upset over something. DDDDDDD:

Maybe it's because I haven't exactly written an expository essay under exam conditions before. Or maybe I just suck and narratives have been my forte for too long. There was this psychological barrier that clouded my judgement and thoughts during the test just now that I couldn't fucking write a decent piece of essay. I was panicking, my points were jumbled up, and I didn't even managed to fill up both sides of the foolscap paper.

I AM SO FUCKING SCREWED ;A;

Gah. Alright, I shall stop swearing from this point onwards. I was channelling Haz's spirit, I swear. XD

Is anyone interested in the comments my tutors wrote on my report slip for Semester 1? x3

Civics tutor: Sarah is a cheerful girl who wears a smile on her face all the time. She is always smartly attired without a hair out of place. She is respectful to teachers and friends.

GP tutor: Sarah is a capable writer. She communicates well and preesents her viewpoints articulately. She is motivated to do well. She has to continue to read diligently to build content knowledge.

Math tutor: Sarah is a pleasant and hardworking student. Continue to work hard and strive for better results.

Bio tutor: She works diligently and conscientiously to improve her work. An unassuming and sensible student.

Chem tutor: Sarah must consult the tutor to clarify her doubts. More effort is required from her in order to do well in the subject.

Econs tutor: Sarah is a bright girl and has the advantage of having taken Economics at O Level. She should continue to work on this advantage so that she will be able to do very well in the subject.

So basically, my Chem tutor doesn't have much nice things to say about me D: But I guess I don't blame him. I AM getting more fails than passes in Chem tests, unlike the other subjects. Heck, I only failed once or twice for each of the other subjects, 'cept for GP (but I'm gonna fail the Block Test for it ;A;)

So yeah. June's in, school's out. But crap. I have to do flag day tomorrow. *sulks*

P.S. I miss Haze. I miss Haz & Shang (and the other BPians too. There, happy? XDDD) as well, like always, but right now, after reading Haze's blog, I'm missing her the most now. u.u And though I want July to come quick 'cause that's when Haze returns, I don't want school to start again either x:

Ah well. I love Haze more than I hate school anyway (:

♥ 9:16 pm

It's such an amazing & wonderful feeling to love someone, be it romantically or platonically. You feel as though you don't need anything else, just the ones you love. They complete you.

I love so many people who are my friends. I love my sister. I love some of my cousins, my grandmothers, and my aunts. But God punish me for saying that I find it difficult to love my parents. At the most, I respect them and am mostly fond of them, but I would be lying if I said that I love them. I'm sorry that my filial piety does not extend that far.

Back to my topic of love. When it comes to familial love, the person I love most is my sister, without a doubt. When it comes to platonic love outside my family, the people I adore most with every fibre of my being are Yu Shang, Hazel, and Hazrina. (Of course, to my other close friends, I love you too, don't worry ^^) However, there are times when I ask myself if my love is enough. My love can't help Haz and Shang with their problems; does their knowledge of my love even comfort them when my words can't? And I can't help but wonder whether my love is enough to tie Haze with us when I feel like she's so far away, and I don't mean the physical distance.

And then there's the romantic love. Okay, I confess that I enjoy the light-headedness, the occasional flutter in my tummy, the fuzzy feeling I get inside as though I'm eating chocolate; the symptoms of having romantic feelings for someone. But it drives me NUTS too. Being romantically in love is one of the most mind-boggling experiences I've ever had. I feel like I want to spend as many moments with that person, to hold conversations and laugh together, but at the same time, I want to avoid that person for fear of being seen as dull & uninteresting and being compared to another.

Another thing on love. It really saddens me when love dies. Even if Person X has hurt me a lot and I instantly stopped loving that person after the betrayal, I still grieved. I sometimes wish I could be like those I know who can detach themselves from the pain that arises from loving others; to be indifferent. But woe on my sensitive and feeble self, I am vulnerable when I love. When I love someone who is really very close to me, that love takes root in my heart. When I stop loving that person, it's like wrenching a flower from the ground; it hurts, dammit. So then, now that I think about it... how can I bear to be indifferent? To brace myself for the pain that follows, so that when it comes, I get over it quickly and not be affected? That's just not how the way I love works. I like to think that my love is true. When I feel hurt by the people I love, it means that they're worth something for me to actually get upset over them.

....This is really getting melodramatic. I'm going to watch Moulin Rouge for comfort. And possibly eat some Cadbury. (Yes, I am aware it's this late at night.)

♥ 12:38 am

Alright, seeing as it's been nearly 4 months I've been in JC, it's about time I started mentioning my friends there, yes? (: Well, I mostly hang out with three people: Yi Xiu, Arthur & Joel. The four of us. 8D

I. YI XIU

I guess from this point of time, she's officially my closest girl friend in YJC. Yi Xiu can be such a sweet girl, but when she's pissed, boy, does can she sting! Her mood shifts are unpredictable; one minutes she's teasing Joel with the rest of us, and the next she's having an inferiority complex moment. Like me, she laments over her choice of going to a JC instead of a poly.

I can tell that she looks up to me to a certain extent, since she constantly asks me to read through her essays to check for errors, uses me as a form of motivation when we run for 2.4 during PE, and has this amazed look in her eyes whenever I ace a Math test. Yi Xiu got a higher raw score than me for Os, but she's really diligent and tries her best, which sometimes spurs me on to slack less. (Just a little! Haha.) Oh, (and Haz will be pleased to know this), we do quite a fair bit of bitching as well XD Okay, so maybe we bitch a lot.

II. ARTHUR

I never thought I'd ever find someone else in S'pore who speaks Skate like me 8D That's right, Arthur's a big figure skating fan! Finally, there's someone with whom I can talk about how slow Caroline Zhang crosses over the ice, how insanely in love I am with Angela Maxwell, how impressive Mao's Masquerade Waltz is, etc. Of course, we do have our share of debates; he supports the Canadians, I favour the Japanese. But, it is still great to have a friend you can gush with about your favourite sport. (:

Arthur does have his annoying side though; he dozes off a lot during lectures and keeps bugging me to help with his PI and Econs. Like, I don't mind helping, but please, just pay attention to the tutor for once? *scowls*

III. JOEL

Thanks to him, I learnt that Maris Stella is NOT a co-ed school as I had previously thought, but a boys' school. (I mean, look at the school name! It sounds girly! How could I not think it had female students? :x) Joel is easily the smartest guy among us based on O Level results, having the lowest raw score among us all. Plus he takes 4 H2 subjects, so that says a lot.

Joel is always the one among us that we tease the most; he gets embarrassed and flustered so easily! XD One of our favourite things to tease him about is that our Bio tutor is VERY fond of him (he's the Bio rep, see) and he gets squeamish about people of the same gender being opnely affectionate to each other. So Arthur occasionally bats his eyelashes at him and tries to hug him while Yi Xiu & I declare our love for each other. All in the name of good fun ;D

~~~~~~~

Make new friends but don't forget the old. One is silver, the other gold.

♥ 10:49 pm

Other than the recent boredom in school, I am rather excited, no, make that VERY excited, about the Pre-University Seminar 2009 happening next month 8DDD I signed up for it because it struck me a lot like RMUN, and we get to rub shoulders (not literally of course xD) with students from other JCs and polys. And the absolute best part?

IT'S A RESIDENTIAL SEMINAR. WE GET TO STAY AT A CAMPUS AT NUS. *FAINTS*

Today (just now, actually x3), the other YJCians selected for the Pre U Sem & I went over to IJC for a briefing. AND WE WERE SHOWN PICS OF THE CAMPUS. GOD, IT LOOKED LIKE A FREAKING CONDO. We're all getting single rooms, though I would've wanted each of our rooms to have our own personal bathrooms, but I guess a posh bedroom will suffice ;D And one of the activities would be held at Sentosa. So I guess now I know what the "swimming costume" in our packing list is for... *cringes*

OKAY. MATH IS OFFICIALLY MY BEST SUBJECT. I've failed at least once in all the other subjects (Just failed an Econs test for the first time. I usually pass it thanks to my O Level knowledge of it, but didn't study for the most recent one). In fact, I'm aceing Math. Maybe because it's H1. *shrugs* And I guess I'm doing fine for GP too. Every time we get back our essays or compres, everyone else will immediately ask how much I got. Well, excuse me, I'm flattered, but seriously, just you all wait, the next essay won't be as good. u.u Anyway, back to Math. It's also my fave subject here in JC. Yes, it's not GP. I miss writing narratives ;A;

HAZE RETURNS IN LESS THAN 2 MONTHS' TIME! (:

~~~~~~

Today's story will be:

There was once a little girl who loved wearing a plain blue cotton dress her family made her. Every stitch was done with love and care; oh she cherished it. But one day, she received a new dress, one with lovely silk sashes and ruffless and lace and pretty sparkly gems outlining the hem. Fascinated and excited, she wore it every day, forgoing her old one. She loved twirling and dancing in her new dress; wearing it simply made her feel more special than ever. And one day, the new dress lost its beautiful sheen; the gems began falling off, rips and tears came easily, the satin became increasingly wrinkled, the lace became frayed, the ruffles as well. Disappointed, she tried finding her old dress, as she realised how reliable it was, how she missed it, its warmth and comfort. She searched her entire wardobe for it, searching and searching and searching... But it wasn't there. She became even more upset. Tears filled her eyes, but before she wept, she noticed her old dress all laid out for her on her bed, as though patiently waiting for its beloved owner to don it.

♥ 5:49 pm