I did some self-reflection on the way back home from school today. And I thought about certain things that happened to me recently; certain events that were nostagic, memorable, difficult to comprehend, or just make you go "Why did it turn out this way...?"

I remember when Haz once said she wanted to change for the better, to be a "nicer" person. What she meant was that she was going to consider others' feelings more, and stop swearing so often. (The latter hasn't really happened, but strangely, I hope it never does! A Haz who doesn't curse at least once a day seems alien to me! ;D In a good way, I mean.) Then I thought about some of my actions these past few days, and I really, really, didn't like it at all! O:

If you feel sad about something, go and make it into something happy! It's already over, done with, in the past, so why brood over it? You'll never get anything fruitful or meaningful that way, so take things on a more positive note! Avoiding things, being so fearful or hesitant, will be your downfall! Face what bothers you head on; even better if it's with a sweet, pleasant smile!

That's what I came up with while listening to Por Una Cabeza on my Mp3 while taking the train. Tango music can be really inspiring I guess :3

But my point is, I'm going to stop being such a coward to my one weakness which makes me stop in my tracks (not talking about Math. Hah!) and start something new and beautiful out of it. At least, I can try. It's downheartening that I didn't realise this earlier, but it's certainly better than never, because if I never convince myself of this, regret would always follow me around like a mild chronic irritant on the fringe of my existance. (Recognise this quote, fellow classmates? XD)

And so, I want to say: Sorry for being such a weak-willed little girl. I want to fight for what I want.

And...my feelings haven't changed a bit!

♥ 5:45 pm

♫♪♥ Songwaves ♥♪♫ a.k.a. the choir concert was yesterday~! ((:

Where to begin... well, I went there with Clare (who's dressed in all black :3) but we arrived a little too early so we hung around the bus stop to wait for Geelyn, Janice (with her boyfriend ;D) and (surprise, surprise) Shao Hua. Poor Shao Hua; he was the only boy from our class who attended. D:

Geel & Jan looked sooo lovely~~! I could just marry them on the spot XD And despite my tall heels, I was still shorter than them u.u GAH. Well, I manage to see a few of my juniors, who looked really adorable, and when we arrived outside the auditorium, we whipped out our cameras for some camwhoring photo-taking! (By the way, for photos of yestersay, let me direct you to either Geel or Jan's blogs, since my dad always take like forever to transfer photos from his digi-cam to the computer.) Did I mention how I really like Nanyang High's architecture? It's simply lovely!

When the doors to the auditorium opened for guests to enter, there was so much crowding at the entrance that in the end, you could just go in without showing your ticket to the persons at the door at all! O: Anyway, we managed to secure seats that appeared to be right smack in the middle of the auditorium. (Oh, and I loved the auditorium. It's pretty~ :3)

The concert officially started when the two emcees for the night, Yu Shang & Hazel, came forward to, erm, emcee XD Hazel was fine, but Shang sounded... awkward. Her usually chirpy voice sounded uncharacteristically low on microphone. O: And I'm not too crazy about scripts being used instead of cue cards; it's just not as professional. But then again, you can hardly blame them since I heard from Clare that they only got their emcee scripts earlier that day.

When the curtains were drawn, Clare & I immediately started pointing out the people we recognised, like Haze, Shang, Eleanor, Zheng Yang, Melvyn etc... The program for the concert was first, ten unexciting songs, then an intermission, followed by a song by the choir alumni, comprising of Amanda, Jia Xuan, Dexter, Amirul (who didn't tell me he would be there, which I could've used to convince Haz to go) & Wen Pu, who in my honest opinion, was like a door post there, pardon my bluntness. Then it was the trio of choir boys, who I guess was rather alright, save for one of the guys who sounded...not as nice as the other two.

Finally, the highlight of the night: the Hairspray medley~! Everyone looked sooo cute in their changed outfits! :3 Well, actually, the boys didn't look as decorated as the girls did. A little dull, in my opinion. :/ I thought Fredrika was such a natural out there; she captured my attention most during that segment. (:

So overall, it was a pretty good concert. ^^b

After lots of hugging, photo taking, and saying our hellos & goodbyes, Clare, Amirul & I set off for our bus ride home! We originally planned to go home with Amanda, but we...lost her among the crowds along the way. ;D

~~~~~~

Oh my goodness, Turandot by Puccini is going to be performed at the Esplanade from 29 Aug to 1 Sept! *faints* That's after my Prelims, but it's like nearly an impossibility for me to go and see it. ;___;

Turandot is an opera about an icy Chinese princess who refuses to marry any man unless he can answer three riddles. It'll be in Italian with English and Chinese subtitles. [taken from today's newspaper]

♥ 10:38 am

I never thought I'd find a subject that I dislike more than A Maths. Unbelievable, but true. To think it's a Humanities subject even. u.u

Not Literature (LIT IS LOVE~~~).

Not Social Studies (I'm doing rather well in it. :D).

It's Econs. I absolutely, positively can't stand the subject! I've already convinced myself that I'll only choose to take that subject in JC if I really am desperate or psycho enough. My dislike has nothing to do with the teacher, but simply the subject itself and all the concepts involved.

Anyway, despite my pleas and and grovelling XD, I can't get Haz to go to the concert. But...I guess I really am empathetic as to why she wouldn't go.

Oh, and today, Mrs Wong gave me an entry form to a writing competition where the Top 3 winners get to win CASH of more than $100 as prizes. The 1st Prize Winner gets $1000~! O: Not to mention that top entries would be published in a book. All we have to do is write a creative short story of not more than 5000 words. The hard part?

THE GENRE IS ROMANCE.

♥ 5:31 pm

I've enlisted Xi Ying's help in coaxing Hazrina to attend the concert. Not only that, Janice & I are sponsoring a bit for a concert ticket for Geelyn [who claims she's broke. Lol.] (:

Now that I think about it, Geelyn's right about one thing. I'm going to sound like an airhead, but I'm just gonna say it...

.....

....

...

I'VE NOTHING TO WEAR FOR THE CONCERT. O:

Time to go shopping.

;D

P.S. I still have this ridiculous cough!

P.P.S. And yeah, I did catch Hellboy II. Love it to bits. ^^b

P.P.P.S. (Last one, I swear.) Mrs Wong said to me today that my latest essay on the one-word topic "Dreams" was so depressing. I can't help but be amused. She asked me what my inspiration was, to which I replied, "I've been reading Catherine Lim."

♥ 6:28 pm

It's official: My dad booked us air tickets to Melbourne & Sydney for a holiday on Nov 25 - Dec 10(?) :DDD Finally, some fabulous piece of news during this Black July, the month of dreams dashed, love lost, and morale being trampled on. So to speak.

I think I may be coming down with a fever. My head throbs, my nose is runny, and I still have this bloody cough since Thurs! DDD: Not to mention that my temperature this morning was 37.7 degrees Celsius. But I hope I won't get sick on Monday; the Hwa Chong Humanities Seminar is on that day! O:

Anyway, I'm also hoping to catch Hellboy II tomorrow afternoon. With or without anybody watching with me. u.u

♥ 7:19 pm

Move over Cadbury, because I'm now into Hersheys Cookies & Cream flavoured chocolate bar now. Why am I eating chocolate at a time like this? Yes, partly because I still feel "dead inside" (it's an inside joke my sis & I share. Heh.) and also because I was hungry. Why was I hungry? Mainly because I spent the rest of my recess in class after a... mortifying incident in the canteen :x (And also because I wanted one last look at my Chem SPA notes.)

I only slept like about 3 hours last night (a new record! Previously, it was 4 hours x.x) because I stayed up late to immerse myself in homework that wasn't even urgently dued yet. Plus, I rewatched all of Mao's previous programs, all for the sake of I'm dreading school tomorrow so I need a distraction, which in this case, was school today.

But I found the best distraction yesterday was making dinner with my ears plugged on to my Mp3, listening to nothing but blasting Jpop and classical music. Hardly a thought went on my mind during that hour-long session (except when I was pondering on which vegetable to use for dinner...) And one thing's for sure, I'm definitely looking forward to Econs class tmr. For my own personal reasons.

If I wanted a different topic now, I'd say that I'm still trying to plead coax Haz into attending our school's choir concert with me. What fun would it be if I didn't have enjoyable company? Nothing I say is working now, but I think I got her to consider, so it's some progress.

♥ 5:45 pm

I've never posted more than two posts per day, but it seems to me that blogging can be comforting therapy. SO'S LISTENING TO CLASSICAL MUSIC IN BLASTING VOLUME.

Which is what I'm doing now.

♥ 3:41 pm

It must have been a sign, an omen. Why she got it instead of me. I mean, after what happened, I thought about it, and I realise that I don't want that dream fulfilled anymore. This must be Destiny's way of saying, "Your dream was given to someone else to protect you from further harm." And I get it now. I understand. So yeah, I've moved on from that. Offically.

But now I have to move on from something else. There's no anger, no resentment, no scorn... Just emptiness. Have you ever felt empty before? Now I am. I don't know what to think, how to react, what the proper words to say are.

The white teddy bear just mocks me in its silence. But it's like its saying, "I told you so. You should've seen it coming."

And I did foresee it.

♥ 1:01 pm

Today marks a new change in my life. And it's such a draining change.

It lasted for 424 days.

♥ 12:12 pm

Random girly gushings. Don't read if you don't want to.

Thanks to Haz, yesterday I bought the prettiest shoes for prom. :DDDD It all happened when I went to this year's Cosfest with Haz, where we met up with "Little Sis" Shang and Amirul, and I spied a girl wearing such pweety little heels (yes, I notice such details). I pointed it out to Haz, who said that she knew where to get them! O:

So on the way back from Downtown East, we dropped by Paya Lebar, where we visited the shop in which said shoes were being sold. I was destined to get those shoes, I tell you, for it was the only pair left in that specific colour that I wanted, and it fit me JUST RIGHT! :DD If that doesn't scream Destiny all over, just call me plain lucky. ;D

While I would've liked the heels to be slightly higher, I still adore them. Hee. (:

SO THANK YOU "MOMMY" HAZ! *hugs* :DDD

P.S. I'll explain all the "family" references some other time. :3

♥ 10:59 pm

It's hard not to be envious of her when she's received not one, but two of the things I've been longing for. Still, I realised I've been childish and immature with all the silent moping and sulking that I've done over this, and so I decided to pull myself together and give my friend the support she deserves.

....

...

...Haz is right. I AM "just sitting there and stabbing myself again and again" (those are nearly her exact words, if I recall correctly). u.u I guess what she means is that I am masochistic in a way, in which I 'suffer in silence' and don't do anything about it.

WAITWAITWAIT. This isn't helping me "get over" it at all. Topic change QUICK!

~~~~~~~

Well, thank you Hazel for getting me selected to attend the Hwa Chong Humanities Seminar ((: It'll be held on Monday, 14 July. The BEST thing is that I get to leave school early, which equals to missing A Maths, HMT AND time practice XD Anyway, apparently it was informed to the Full Lit students, and thus me being an Elective Lit student, wouldn't have had known about if not for my "daddy" GOOD friend Haze :3 Seriously, sometimes I think Full Lit students get all the fun. u.u

About my other problem (which has nothing to do with the person who is living my dream, just so you know), Sis gave me one 'advice': Pain cancels out pain. Which means that I should bring grief to the one who gave ME grief; it's supposed to make me feel better. She got it from a Catherine Lim story, which is besides the point. Of course, not that I will take her great advice. u.u Sounds too evil, even for me.

♥ 9:21 pm