"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return."

- Christian, Moulin Rouge

I'm feeling rather philosophical now after having a talk with someone whom I just can't help but worry about day and night. Hey, if I don't worry about her, who will?

That person's been through a messy breakup and it hurt her emotionally; I would know. The pain comes from having your feelings ripped out by its roots from your heart, and you just want to cry and weep and sob all day if you could. She says she doesn't want to feel pain any longer, she doesn't want to feel anymore.

My dear, my own breakup had taught me a lot of things, one of which is accepting that pain is part and parcel of love, and of Life itself. Building up walls around your heart so that you don't feel is...like not living at all. I've learnt to take pain which I experience into some sort of a lesson, kinda like the whole "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" thing. Pain hurts so dreadfully, it's just damn awful, and it's not like I welcome it; I hate it but if it comes, it comes. Not feeling, even if it's pain, is such a terribly sad thing to me. I don't want to not experience what life has to offer, even the hurtful ones.

And then you said you don't believe in love, or specifically, romantic love. I do have my skeptics sometimes, doubting such a concept. But ultimately, I do believe in (Romantic) Love. Though my lack of self-esteem has made me develop this notion of thinking that Romantic Love will always evade me, I still believe it exists, and not just in shoujo manga fiction either. Call it naivete or wishful thinking, I believe that it is possible for two people to fall truly in love and be mindful of the other's feelings and stay together. God wouldn't make humans with feelings if such a wondrous thing doesn't exist. (Atheists, you may ignore this. LOL.)

"The course of true love never did run smooth." Oh Shakespeare, you couldn't be more right. When you go through bumps and sadness in your relationships, the overcoming and endurance of such things just make it so much more rewarding and meaningful.

Acts of intimacy are sacred symbols done physically out of romantic love between a couple. To have it done not out of love or even when not feeling anything just demeans such a beautifully sacred act; acts such as from the most innocent like holding hands to what goes on behind closed doors. When you do such things out of lust or wanting some form of release or even out of no feelings whatsoever, it's just... demeaning yourself, and those who love you platonically. Even when you're not hurting yourself or the other party engaging in such an act, you're just shredding the fibre of morality embedded in you. And well, you hurt the people who do care for you and your wellbeing. (well, they WOULD be hurt if they knew.) You may be reckless but I know there's some sense of morality and sensibility in you. You're now blessed with an appealing and aesthetically-pleasing attractivenss; don't demean it or abuse it by losing your morals.

I can't enforce my beliefs and ideals onto you, nor can I possibly change your actions, but I hope... this will impact you in some way. Because all and all, I care about you, and I've taken it upon myself to be your moral compass. Sometimes I feel so helpless, like I've lost you somewhere, and I can't seem to find you. I'm not angry at you, just disappointed. Disappointment itself is a form of pain, but it's something I don't regret feeling because it's a pain that shows you're worth something to me.

"A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl."

- Stephan Hoeller

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My sister taught me something today, something I agree with wholeheartedly. From now on, I'll call girls who are attractive/good-looking/physically pleasing to the eye as "pretty". "Beautiful" is only reserved for girls who have reached a high level of self-acutalization, kindness, thoughtfulness, optimism, morality and compassion. Which is why among the four of us, I'd have to say that Hazel is the most Beautiful of us all. Shang may say that I'm the kindest among us, but I disagree; Haze is the kinder one, her innocence contributes to it too. There is nothing wrong with innocence; it should be valued, actually.

I hope one day I can be as Beautiful as Haze.

Haz, you're pretty, and I know one day you can be and will be Beautiful too.

♥ 9:45 pm

Everyone strives for happiness right? So far, during this June hols, I realise that even if I was poor, in ITE or something, or lost my ability to walk (or any bad situation!), I'd still be happy if God never took away my beloved Shang, Haze and Haz from me.

Lately, we've been conversing a lot via MSN, and I didn't think it was possible, but I could feel the love radiating through my notebook as I chatted with them (: OH AND, WHICHEVER GROUP OF FEMALES THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO CONVERSE ABOUT LOVE AND LIFE WITH ONE ANOTHER, I SALUTE YOU, I REALLY DO. GIRL TALK IS AWESOME. To just have a group, or even another single girl, to talk just about anything and bond with one another is wonderful. You really appreciate the connection between you and your friends; it's a pretty amazing feeling actually.

I especially love how the three of them confide in me, telling me things that may or may not be pleasant, but I lap it all up anyway. It's just to show that they trust me, and have faith in me, a feeling which I relish in (: It's a great feeling to be needed, to be trusted. Trust is part and parcel of love after all, and I love my friends platonically after all~

Hmmm. Speaking of which, I think there was a time when I mused about how the four of us (Haz, Haze, Shang and me) are such distinict individuals. Haze is the wide-eyed innocent and cheery one; Shang has the occasional emo angst going on ; Haz is the uber "realistic", albeit cynical one; and I'm... not too sure what I am. XD I'm not a good judge of myself, I feel. Haha. Maybe a mash of Haze and Haz? :p Anyway, we all complement one another, like as if to achieve a balance of harmony~ It's like, like....family.

They say blood is thicker than water, but blood can be messy, and it stains; water is clear, it's pristine.

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"Pain and joy are part and parcel of experiencing love. If something is not worth feeling pain for, then it's not worth at all. But I'm no masochist, 'course I'm afraid of getting hurt. But, I love more than I fear pain."

- Sarah, when enlightening Haze & Shang on her perception of love

"Best thing about Sarah...is that she's really kind. WORST THING ABOUT HER IS, SHE'S TOO KIND FOR HER OWN GOOD. *insert frowny face* SHE'LL GET HURT."

- Shang

"OK THE BEST THING ABOUT YOU [Sarah] IS THAT YOU ARE SERIOUSLY A GOOD FRIEND. YOU LISTEN TO ME WHINE ALOT (HAHA) AND YOU DON'T HESITATE IN GIVING ADVICE. FOR THAT I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH. AND YOU'RE REALLY SWEET TOO, YOU KNOW? 8D
[Worst thing about Sarah:] LEMME SEE.... SOMETIMES YOU /CAN/ BE OVER THE TOP WITH YOUR CRUDE JOKES (BUT IT'S NOT LIKE I'LL KILL YOU OVER IT XDDD) AND SOMETIMES YOU DO THAT EYE-ROLL THING THAT DOES...MAKE ME...A BIT OF A MIX BETWEEN "OH NO WHAT DID I DO NOW" AND "WHY'D YOU HAVE TO DO THAT DDD:"

P.S. Crap, June hols end after next week and I've yet to finish my work! (As always.) @.@

♥ 10:22 am

On Friday, I arranged for Haz, Wen Ling, Michelle & I to celebrate Shang's birthday. 8D We had a great lunch at Swensens (specially chosen because Haz has never eaten there, can you believe it? O:) @ IMM before making our way to Shang's place for movies and cake (courtesy of yours truly)! ^^

For Shang's birthday gift, I handsewed a miniature cushion decorated with beads and her name stiched on it. What's extra special about it is that I sealed 17 "fortunes" inside, hoping that in some way, it'd bless the birthday girl~

It was hard to come up with 17 fortunes, but I did it anyway :D

HAPPY (EARLY) 17TH BIRTHDAY SHANG! *HUGGLES*

♥ 5:16 pm

First things first: PRE UNIVERSITY SEMINAR ROCKED. HARD.

Besides the JCs, the polytechnics and IP schools (e.g. River Valley, NUS High etc) participated as well. Each institution (they use this word over "school". Lol.) was assigned a topic pertaining to the current economic crisis and had to do a presentation on it. For example, YJC's topic was "Expression & Crisis", about how the arts community was doing in the midst of the economic crisis. It was the J2s who presented, so we J1s had more time off XD But we helped them of course~

Every participant was assigned into a Seminar Group, whereby everyone was mixed with students from other schools. Every day, we would have to attend a Parallel Presentation session, whereby we would watch the institutions assigned to present their, erm, presentations on their topic. Afterwards, we may grill ask them questions on their topic. Other activities basically revolved around doing stuff to bond as a group, such as games in Sentosa and "Amazing Race"-styled activity. Oh, and each of us had to sew on a patch of cloth, any design, any picture of our choice with words that complied with the Seminar's theme, From Crisis to Confidence. By the end of the seminar, all of our patches will be displayed like a giant patchwork quilt :3

My only gripe? We had to be in FORMAL institution attire when we attended the presentations. Which equates to blazers, ties and long sleeved shirts underneath. Not pleasant at all in Singapore's warm weather u.u But I have to admit we do look rather smart in them XD The poly students look so professionally grown up in formal attire, while the JC students look like we're trying too hard to look grown up :p

Photos are up in the GALLERY, and unlike those I uploaded on Facebook, these included pictures of my small cosy room and the hostel grounds @ Prince George's Park Residences~

Preview:

♥ 5:10 pm

I promised Shang I'll blog about my 5-day residential Pre-University Seminar at NUS, and I will, mind you. Sometime this coming week, I swear.

But just to reply to Shang's comment about me in her blog:

Sweetie, I graciously accept your thanks and I just want to thank you too, for being such a wonderful friend I treasure, even with the "dark" personality. When you love someone, you appreciate their merits but also accept their flaws. We're all so flawed in our own unique ways, but guess what, your merits outweigh those flaws. (: And that is why you, and our beloved family as well, have so rightfully earned my love. It touches me on how you wish for my happiness, and just know that this wish is mutual too; I'm always so concerned for your wellbeing. Giving up has crossed my mind sometimes, but in the end, we'll both strive together Y/Y? :D And one more thing. It does amuse me that you think I'm the most "innocent and kindest among all of us". XD But I guess being naive and holding steadfast to my beliefs of love & friendship have earned me that compliment ;3 Well hey, you and Haze are kind and innocent too~ (can't say so much about Haz, though. XDDDD)

And to reply to Hazel's blog post:

I really, really, REALLY miss you as well. I keep thinking how so much more vibrant & fun and bearable JC life would be if you [and Haz & Shang too] were there with me. If we were all at YJC, taking the same subject combinations (though I seriously doubt you would take H1 Math, you geek xD), I can imagine us rolling our eyes at our Chem tutor for wearing crocs to go with his Ralph Lauren brand shirt (not kidding here), totally not paying attention during Bio lectures 'cause we're too busy cracking up with the jokes we're exchanging, correcting our Econs lecturer's grammar, and somehow, we'll all like Mdm Grace, our GP tutor for her wit (she's like the less crude, more politically-corrected version of Mrs Christine Wong!). Oh, and, Haz & I would snicker at you and Shang for needing to attend MT lessons while we don't as we took HMT in O Level. XDDDD What fun it'd be. ((: And one more thing; Haz tried smoking and now you tried gambling? No wonder Shang and I ended up twisted, with such parents like these :p

♥ 10:55 pm