I'd really like to blog as often as Geelyn does. Even though I know no one's really reading this, it does feel like some sort of a diary, the traditional book type which you write your daily events and just express yourself whenever you feel like it.

I fear that I'm losing something that I won't get back again. There's a saying: "You can't lose something you've never had"; but I'm sure I had this a long time ago. (okay, so maybe it wasn't THAT long...) I feel that it's my fault I'm losing it; but then again, it's also just drifting away from me. I'm losing it because it tires of me. Maybe I am just undeserving of it in the first place.

My efforts to recover it has yet to bear any fruit at all. Maybe it is pointless. But then again... I was once inspired and motivated by a friend to just keep on trying to get it back. I hope this motivation will last a bit longer...because I feel that I'm on the verge of giving up.

Yet... I'd hate myself if I do give up. I don't really want to lose it....but what can I do if it doesn't want me anymore? You can't force it, you can only hope to influence it.

If you don't understand what I'm saying, it's alright; it's not meant for you to understand anyway. I should handle my own losses, after all.

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I should really post happier things next time. u.u

♥ 3:47 pm