Am doing this to take my mind off certain things. From Geelyn's blog. (:

♥ 12:29 pm

No, I'm not playing truant. It's E-Learning Day. Heh.

I recall that around this time last year, I wrote a poem for no reason at all and one of my dear friends put in up in her blog. Note that I composed it last year, and it was about what was happening to me then. The last part of the poem was something that I felt might happen in the future, and turns out, it did happen. It's happening to me now. (And t's not a good thing.)

Remember when I said I was afraid of finding out something? Well, I'm pretty much sure I know what it is already. Though, I don't have any decisive evidence. But there are some things you just know by observing. Sometimes, one sees more than others give credit for.

I can't take all the credit for myself though. I confided in my good friend all the information that I have collected through my analysis and observations, and she concluded what I have already suspected. Her conclusion just reinforced what I felt was happening.

I know it already. All I want now is for the source itself to confirm with me.

I should be angry with what I know, but I'm not. I'm just sad.

♥ 9:44 am

I can't believe I didn't realise it earlier. I was so wrapped up in my own misery and self-pity that I became blind to what is actually the truth. D:

But...what if I am mistaken? What if I 'realised' it wrongly? Like, what if this 'truth' isn't really true? Am I really mistaken? Am I wrong about it? Or am I correct about my assumption? Then again, I am only just assuming...

I don't know anymore. Things would be so much simpler if someone would just come up to me and tell me everything I want to know. But answers don't come so easily, do they? You have to find them yourself. To find answers, you have to go to the right source.

I am too much of a coward to go to that source. Maybe because I am afraid of what I would find out. Can I bear the disappointment if it's not what I want to hear?

*forlorn*

Strange that how I was so cheerful in my previous post today, and now I'm embroiled in my own inner conflict.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"There is never any turning back. You have to go forward. Make the future yours." - Kartik, The Sweet Far Thing

♥ 6:21 pm

For photos on the 4L1 excursion to the S'pore Botanical Gardens, view my GALLERY section on the left side of this blog. ((:

Decided to put all of them in Photobucket as it'd take a massive long time for me to upload them all here. u.u

~~~~~~~~~~~

Next week will certainly be a fabulous one. XDD Why? Come and take a look at my school schedule for next week:

• MON: Attend guys' fencing competition = Miss lessons.
• TUES: School as per normal.
• WED: School as per normal.
• THURS: Attend girls' team fencing competition = Miss lessons.
• FRI: Sports Carnival. = No lessons (though sadly, I'll be taking part >.>;;)

See why I'll love next week? ;D

♥ 5:04 pm

Today was the first time I went to the Singapore Botanical Gardens, and I must say it is certainly a lovely and picturesque place. (: The best place of all had to be the National Orchid Garden. It was so beautiful~ <3

Will post photos of today's class excursion some other time as there are quite many (dozens, in fact) and yes, I confess I am feeling rather lazy today and I have no patience to do so right now.

Today, something unexpected happened that made me smile. Well, to be specific, my second favourite person in the whole world made me smile. And I was very much amused as well. Maybe there is something left after all, something to salvage among the debris that I've caused.

And I know I've been pessimistic lately, but I forget how easily I can get optimistic again as well. All it takes...is a loved one. (:

Oh, and Benjamin just informed me the countries allocated to BPGHS for this year's RMUN (Raffles Model United Nations Conference, in case you've forgotten). I would've liked to take part again this year, but...well, let's say it's just not advisable.

To the person who will represent BPGHS in Press Corps: You better win something as I and my predecessor had done during our RMUN days! XD Okay, I'm joking. Or not. =x

♥ 7:35 pm

I'd really like to blog as often as Geelyn does. Even though I know no one's really reading this, it does feel like some sort of a diary, the traditional book type which you write your daily events and just express yourself whenever you feel like it.

I fear that I'm losing something that I won't get back again. There's a saying: "You can't lose something you've never had"; but I'm sure I had this a long time ago. (okay, so maybe it wasn't THAT long...) I feel that it's my fault I'm losing it; but then again, it's also just drifting away from me. I'm losing it because it tires of me. Maybe I am just undeserving of it in the first place.

My efforts to recover it has yet to bear any fruit at all. Maybe it is pointless. But then again... I was once inspired and motivated by a friend to just keep on trying to get it back. I hope this motivation will last a bit longer...because I feel that I'm on the verge of giving up.

Yet... I'd hate myself if I do give up. I don't really want to lose it....but what can I do if it doesn't want me anymore? You can't force it, you can only hope to influence it.

If you don't understand what I'm saying, it's alright; it's not meant for you to understand anyway. I should handle my own losses, after all.

.........

.......

.....

...

I should really post happier things next time. u.u

♥ 3:47 pm

Am now in a blogging mood. Better pour everything out before my mood goes awry again.

~~~~~~

PART I: CINEMA

My sister and I watched the Japanese romantic teen movie Sky of Love at Causeway Point during the recent March hols (on Thurs, to be specific). While most of the time the movie either made me go "Aww..." or have this WTF? expression on my face, it's still a sweet movie with plenty of fluff and yeah, it did made me cry. (Thank god I went with my sis. Would've been mortifying for anyone else to see me cry. XD)

And, we also went to see The Spiderwick Chronicles a day after Sky of Love. IT WAS AWESOME. One of the best novel-to-film movie I've ever seen. :D The book was very nice, and the film did it justice as well, so I was satisfied. And... let's just say I've found my new favourite actor. ;DDD Heh.

Now I am SO psyched to go watch The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian that will come out later this year. 8D The trailer was so enthralling~

~~~~~~~

PART II: NAPFA

Just did the Five Items this week. Landed A for everything except Sit & Reach. Can I not help it that I am so un-flexible? D: That item just cost me such an ugly grade next to the rest of my As. (Geez, I do sound rather unmodest, don't I? ><) Well, I'll gladly leave flexibility to the Caroline Zhangs and Mirai Nagasus of the world. u.u

I jumped better this year though (for standing broad jump). :DDD I must say that credit goes to fencing. :D All those double-double jumps and lunges we were made to do did have some benefit outside my cca after all. ^^v

However, all those Cadbury I so sinfully indulged on this past March hols did have a negative after effect after all. ): It slowed me down quite a bit for this year's shuttle run. Still, my timing wasn't that unsatisfactory. Just 10.5 seconds. >.>

~~~~~~~

PART III: PROM

Yes, that's right. The event will take place on 18 November, five days after my last O Level paper, which also so happens to be on my sister's birthday. I do wish more people would attend it, though. What fun is a social function if such an unsatisfactory number of people show up? ):

I've made a pledge with a few of my friends (like Geelyn, for one) to attend our senior prom. I don't know why I want to go for it; heck, I couldn't even enjoy myself properly for RMUN's Dinner & Dance. Maybe because it is, after all, the last year I'll be with my dearest of friends in BPGHS. Might as well end the year with a bang (of course, not literally XD).

♥ 9:33 pm

THINGS TO DO (OR WILL TRY TO DO. LOL.) DURING MARCH HOLS:

• Complete A Maths exercises. Only one left. :3
• Do online A Maths online tests. Undone.
• Do E Maths online tests. Undone.
• Do HMT worksheet. DONE! :D
• Do Econs assignment. DONE! :D
• Revise Econs. Done a little.
• Study/revise Bio for test. Done a little.
• Do Bio worksheet on plant reproduction. DONE! :D
• Do Bio worksheets on human reproduction. DONE! :D
• Study for Chem test. Undone.
• LESS SLACKING. (like that's ever gonna happen. XD)

- Updated on 19/3/08 -

~~~~~

And, here's a Happy 16th Birthday to Geelyn, one of my dearest friends ever. (:

♥ 2:04 pm

Urgh. I just don't feel like taking part in School Division (for fencing I mean). Why bother sending me for competition anyway? It's hopeless.

Been feeling awfully pessimistic lately.

And I've been blogging short posts too. Don't worry, I'd write longer next time. Maybe. Just maybe.

♥ 8:49 pm